Fuck it, I'm at Buffett

Back into your Delorean my fateful readers. Type in Oct 29th 2008 @ 10:47AM. I wake up after my lovely binge drinking and power walking night. I'm starving and put on my party pants to get ready for some wholesome Jimmy Buffett partying. I fill up a lovely Styrofoam cooler with beer and vodka. We proceed to bong some beers like the children of God that we are. "The Man" hassles me saying that I have to leave because the cooler because the vodka bottle is glass. I stash the cooler under an unused black jack table and return to the preparty. I'm just having some good clean fun when some heathens put dollar bills in my trousers to use my beer bong. Of course "The Man" witnesses this and accuses me of not only reselling alcohol, but also selling alcohol to underagers. For the 2nd time within an hour I am asked to leave, but this time they threaten to arrest me for trespassing if I come back. Of course I come back all incognito. By incognito, I mean I carried my hat and put on a shirt. I partied for a few hours without any trouble, but then I ended up on stage beer bonging and as I am leaving the stage, "The Man" is waiting for me. They threaten to arrest me, but I choose my guile, cunning and charm to convince them to just escort me off the premises and to promise not to return. Luckily it was almost time for the concert so I wondered down to the MGM. I drank some more on the way there. Snuck down to the floor with my friend Gretano and drank a smidgen there. Saw myself on the JumboTron and after the show we staggered to the Hooters pool for a lil more fun. Woke up Sunday morning realizing that I had not eaten anything since Friday at 5pm. I had 3 meals in a 2 hour window to make up for it. Very Healthy I'm sure. The end.

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Peer Pressure

Ms. Sellers is getting on my ass about maintaining my blog which I think is absolute bull shit. Whoever reads this post needs to hop in their fucking Delorean and take a ride with Marty McFly back to Oct 28th at 10am. I went to Vegas for Jimmy Buffett. Arrived in Vegas at 8:27PM. Got to hotel at approximately 9:06PM. We go to some Jimmy Buffett private party thinger dinger. Needless to say, I get shit fucked. I sometimes have impulse control issues. I drank until about 4am or so. At this time I realized that I forgot to bring saline solution, a toothbrush and flip flops. All essentials for a Jimmy Buffett weekend. So of course I think it's a brilliant idea to meander down the strip to find a Walgreens. It takes me almost an hour to get there in my drunken stupor. I ended up buying saline, a toothbrush, gummy bears and women's flip flops cause they were the cheapest available. Good times, good times! I eventually wake up the next morning and discover I have blisters on my feet and a pocket full of gummy bears.

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The Lord's House

I am a virgin blogger. It feels kind of awkward like when you have carnal relations with a chicken for the first time. I will rehash my last few weeks. I performed my best friend's wedding. I pretty much kicked ass in the lord's house. Rev Nghia threw down some funky ass shit for shizzle. After a lil drinkie drinkie at the reception I broke out the Hasidic Jew outfit. Nothing says dignity and respect like a Jew nose, top hat and bling bling necklace. After the reception I went to my other best friend's birthday/Halloween party in my Jew outfit. I got drunk, the end. Oh yeah, pretend I wrote this blog on the 19th of October.

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