Don't worry, it's only kinky the first time: January 2009

As I watched today's inauguration tears were welling up in my eyes. Not! Does the hysteria surrounding have more to do with his race or his ideas? It is sad that any perceived criticism of the man is viewed as racism rearing its ugly head once again. It does not help that the liberal media always focuses on the ignorant critics who make ree dick urous claims such as Obama is a Muslim or a terrorist. Obama makes claims of "reform and change", however, has he laid out how he plans on accomplishing these reforms? His powers of oration are beyond reproach, but where is the substance? He speaks of reaching out to the common man to provide a helping hand, but what does he plan on doing when the helping hand is taken advantaged of and ends up engaging in a "Dutch Rudder"? If you're not aware of this term, it is having someone complete the act of masturbation by pulling up and down on the forearm, while the male holds his own penis. Thanks Jessi for adding that lovely term to my repertoire! It may seem a wee bit too pessimistic, but I think that humans are inherently lazy creatures who will take advantage of handouts. Humans are no different then bears and coyotes who get used to scavenging through trash cans and realize that it is easier to do that then to actually expend the energy to hunt. Why get a minimum wage job when you can sit on your ass and get public assistance in the form of welfare checks, food stamps, or government cheese? I'm tempted to quit my job and throw the world's biggest and baddest Wine and Government Cheese Party!

Sexism runs rampant in Las Vegas! Susan B. Anthony would be horrified with the way women are treated! They are not only allowed to bypass club lines, but they also avoid paying the ridiculous cover charges! The travesty doesn't end there! Once they get into these clubs, a plethora of men are lining up to offer to buy them drinks! So I was in Vegas this weekend for a dear friend's 30th birthday party. I basically spent 3 days completely drunk. It was good times to say the least. I heard about The Blue Man Group having student tickets for a mere $35 instead of the regular $110, however only one of us was a student so this proved to be problematic. I located an old stoner looking ID card of mine and with mine and Jenny's ID I was able to seduce the ticket counter girl with my debonair charm to get 7 discount tickets! It was a real cool show and they took Jenny on stage for a while. Good times were had by all! After The Blue Man Group we karaoked like mother fuckers! Jenny and Lindsey did a beautiful rendition of "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun", the 3 of us sang Paula Abdul's timeless classic, "Straight Up" and then finally Lindsey and I sang Bon Jovi's passionate song of heartbreak, "Shot Through the Heart". Of course with the chance to memorize our performances on DVD, we could not say no. Our noggins are hurting the next day, so what is the reasonable thing to do? Order Advil from room service of course! For a mere $2.50 the staff at the Wynn will deliver 2 Advils to your door. That's quite the bargain when you consider a 6 inch round bowl of cashews costs $45! We do some more power drinking and take a lil nap later that afternoon to prepare for the next night. So a friend of a friend puts all of us on the "guest list" at the fancy new club that opened on New Years at Encore. We get there and ask door guy where the "guest list" line is and he points us in the right direction. We talk to a guy with a clipboard there and he eventually tells us that they got rid of the guest list tonight because it got too busy. Bull shit I say! I ask him if he knows who I am? That does not get the appropriate response so I just crane kick him in the face! Ok, that last part was totally fabricated. The reality of it is that I sent a couple of the girls to talk to him and when that proved to be unsuccessful, we just walked away with our tails between our legs. Luckily we were able to scam our ways into Tryst and that was good times except for the $15 drinks. After Tryst we went to Drai's for a lil after hours action. I will not go into any specifics, but both places were good clean fun for the whole family!